I have a thing where I want to control everything.
I don’t always go to God first. Sometimes I go to my own logic, my own plans, my own version of how things should go, and then I bring Him in when I’ve already half-decided.
This weekend, I did it differently.
I had a few things on the table. Real decisions, real opportunities, the kind that make you go back and forth in your head until you’re exhausted. And instead of pushing, forcing, and figuring it out myself, I actually stopped and prayed about it.
Like, genuinely asked. Not “God, please let this work out the way I want.” Just what’s right here? What door is actually for me?
And then one of them answered for itself.
Was it the answer I was hoping for? No. Was there a sting to it? Yeah, a little. Disappointment is still disappointment even when you saw it coming, even when it confirms exactly what your heart already knew.
But here’s the thing —
The peace came with it. Immediately. That quiet that doesn’t really make sense, but you recognize it when it shows up. The kind that tells you this is right even when right isn’t the same as easy or painless.
That’s what happens when you actually consult God before you move instead of after.
The answer might not be what you wanted. But it fits. And somewhere underneath the disappointment, you know it.
I’m still learning to go to Him first. Still learning to loosen my grip before things fall apart instead of after. But this weekend felt like a small win in that direction.
And I’ll take it.